Welcome to the August 2022 edition of Write Bites! This month we have Christopher Morse with “NRA” and Robin Bradford with “Taz-Mania.” Enjoy and thank you for reading this month’s Write Bites!
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IF NRA HAD ITS WAY
by Christopher Morse
LIGHTS rise on a city street corner, a sunny day. SOUND: City noises, up and fade. The VENDOR enters, bearing a loaded tray on shoulder straps.
VENDOR
Small arms! Get your small arms here! Crime rates are up, don’t be their next victim!
Revolvers, semi-automatics, get ‘em while they’re hot!
PASSING MAN
Enters, clutching a fistful of bills.
Wow, I’m really angry at the family next door! What d’ya got in a loaded Uzi?
VENDOR
Here’s a nice little number should do the job. Can I see some ID?
PASSING MAN looks puzzled.
Haha, just kidding! That’ll be $950.00.
PASSING MAN
ID! Haw! That’s a good one! Heh-heh-heh... Gee, now I’m not so angry.
VENDOR
It’ll come back. And here’s your change.
PASSING MAN departs to try out his new purchase.
AR-15s! RPGs! Get your sense of personal power here! How about you, ma’am, you packin’?
PASSING WOMAN draws an enormous handgun from her purse, displays it with a wink.
Looks real smart against that coat! How ‘bout something for the kids? These mini hand grenades make great stocking stuffers.
PASSING WOMAN
Oh, how cute!
She examines the VENDOR’S wares. Over the following she idly pulls the pin from a mini hand grenade. With a look of consternation, holding the grenade at arm's length, she hastens off the stage.
VENDOR
Hollow points, armor piercers, explosive rounds! Your Founding Fathers died for this, folks! Special deal on landmines: buy three and get the prosthesis of your choice at half price! Small arms! Get your small arms here!
LIGHTS out.
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TAZ-MANIA
by Robin Bradford
EXT. A TREE - NIGHT
Two TASMANIAN EMUS sit in a tree: a calm MOM bird and her hatchling. Below, small CHILDREN walk excitedly from house to house, ringing doorbells and shouting --
SMALL CHILDREN
Trick or treat!
Mom Emu eyeballs the costumed kids disinterestedly. Her expression remains bored until a small girl, EVA, dressed like a banana, walks by, followed by her parents.
MOM EMU
WOK!
MOTHER
Oh my God, Harley! What are they?
FATHER
They’re kids. It’s Halloween.
MOTHER
They’re real Tasmanian Emus!
FATHER
Don’t be ridiculous, Tasmanian Emus are extinct, since 1783! You know, in the wild, they only lasted until --
EVA
-- Dad, no lectures, you promised.
They pull Eva away as the birds follow, nipping at Eva.
EVA
Can we keep them, Mommy? I’ll take
care of them!
MOTHER
They’re real, Harley.
FATHER
Don’t be absurd, Harriet. What don’t you understand about the word extinct?
MOTHER
Then why are they trying to eat Eva? Harley? Harley!!
THE END
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I hope you enjoyed this month’s Write Bites! Come back next month for more works by talented writers.
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