Featured Playwright of August
After studying psychology in Dallas, Geoff Hargreaves moved to Mexico, where he currently teaches and translates (although he doesn’t know for how much longer).
He has had two full-length plays staged, along with four ten-minute plays. He wrote a libretto for a short opera for a Canadian composer. It was performed 12 times in Canada.
Geoff has translated five Mexican novels for Grove Press and Bloomsbury Press of New York, plus poetry for Copper Canyon Press.
Most recently, Jersey City Theatre Center and the Globe Theatre London zoomed two of his plays, to considerable acclaim. Geoff Hargreaves has also published a novel The Collector and the Blind Girl in both US and Sweden with excellent reviews.
STAIRWAYS TO HEAVEN
(2800 words)
Characters
AGNES PRESCOTT:aged 53, Ph.D. former university prof, now confined to her bedroom with MS. Her speech is clipped, cerebral, at times wooden, except when talking to the cat.
COLIN PRESCOTT:aged 48, chief accountant at an engineering firm, genial but insecure.
BELLA LAIDLAW:aged 37, a live-in nurse hired to care for Agnes, professional but willful, quick to take offence.
LULU:a three-legged cat.
Setting
Place: The stage is divided in two diagonally. The rear part is occupied by Agnes’ bedroom, (brightly lit); the front part is a sitting room (in semi-darkness).
Time: evening.
At Rise, AGNES is cuddling LULU in an armchair partly covered by a blanket. Beside it is small table with a framed photo on it.
AGNES (in a dreamy voice):Oh poor Lulu. Was it too much for you? That used to be your favorite spot . . . You’d sit up there in the sunshine and stare across at me with your chilly hauteur. Remember? . . . Now you can’t jump up there. You can barely climb onto the chair . . . Oh, dear! Life is so cruel . . . If ever we find the dog or the rat that chewed your leg, we’ll chop it to pieces. Yes, we will. . . Colin has put rat poison out there ever since, but he’s still to find a corpse. . . . I’ll tell you what we’ll do. I’ll get the nurse to move the chair next to the dresser and that will make it easier for you.Up you’ll go, Lulu, just like in the old days . . . but in two stages. What do you say to that?
AGNES reaches out a hand and rings a bell on a side table.
AGNES:I’m so tired. I hardly have the strength to do it.Old before my time.
AGNES settles back into position. LULU appears to protest.
AGNES:Oh dear, sweetie, did I touch a sensitive spot? Do you still hurt where they amputated? . . . You were such a snooty critter before . . . But you mustn’t give in. You must face up to life with three legs . . . Look at me. Four years confined here with MS and still fighting back . . . Well, sometimes . . . Not always. (laughs lightly.) There are momentswhen I stop caring. . . But then, don’t we all?
AGNES reaches out a hand again and rings the bell.
AGNES (irritated): Where is she? That slow-footed nurse? What excuse will she have this time?
AGNES strokes LULU.
AGNES:You know you’ve put on a lot of weight lately.You’ve changed a lot, Lulu, since your operation. You’ve stopped playing and you’ve given up grooming. You’ve quit cleaning yourself after using the litter tray. Oh yes, I’ve noticed. And you don´t purr anymore, do you? I loved your purr.
BELLA appears in the sitting room and steps into the light of the bedroom.
She wears an apron. She has two packets in the pocketof the apron.
AGNES (sharply): Finally! What kept you?
BELLA (unapologetic): A delivery from the pharmacy
AGNES:What is it?
BELLA takes the two packets from her apron pocket.
BELLA:The new painkillers and the new sleeping pills. They’re very strong.
AGNES points to the side table.
AGNES:They need to be. I deserve a decent night’s sleep once in a while. Put them there.
BELLA:I should put ‘em with the other medicines.
AGNES:You can do that later. I want to check the instructions.
BELLA:I can do that.
AGNES:Didn’t you hear? I want to check the instructions.
BELLA puts the packets on the side table. She looks at a framed photo on the table.
BELLA (trying to be nice): Oh, is that Paris? Did you guysgo to Paris?
AGNES (drily): As a matter of fact, it’s the National Museum of Prague. We spent three days in the department of numismatics. Mr. Prescott was fascinated.
BELLA smiles weakly and starts for the door.
AGNES:Where are you going? I didn’t say you could leave.
BELLA:Colin wants me cook up something spicy for his supper.
AGNES:Colin? You mean Mr. Prescott.
BELLA:He asked me to call him Colin.
AGNES:Didn’t Mrs. Braithwaite prepare him supper before she left?
BELLA:Her usual baked gnocchi with broccoli. He says he’s tired of it.
AGNES:It was good enough for me at lunchtime.
BELLA:He asked for something different.
AGNES:Well, I suppose he knows.
BELLA:Okay then?
AGNES:Before you go, give me one of those painkillers. My hips and legs are really hurting.
BELLA:When the muscles and ligaments are immobile for a long time, it’s to be expected.
AGNES:Don’t treat me like a child. I know exactly why. Give me a painkiller.
BELLA checks her watch.
BELLA:It’s a bit early.
AGNES:I said: give it to me!
BELLA:Well, yes, if you insist.
AGNES:I do insist.
BELLA takes a pill from the packet and gives it to AGNES, who swallows it.
BELLA:I notice the cat is in your chair. You should wash your hands before ingesting anything after handling the cat. Specially when your immune system is as compromised as yours.
AGNES:You don’t like cats, do you?
BELLA:As a matter of fact, I don’t. I’ve always been a dog person. Dogs can do so many things— from guarding your house to detecting drugs and diseases. And they’re so, so loyal.
AGNES:You can go and prepare Mr. Prescott’s spicy supper.
BELLA starts to leave.
AGNES:Oh, Nurse! Before you go, move that chair close to the dresser, so that Lulu can climb up there.
BELLA moves the chair.
Exit BELLA to the sitting room. COLIN is waiting for her. They embrace.
AGNES:Ignore her, Lulu. She’s a nobody. Oh, I’m so sleepy. . . You too, sleepyhead? . . . Lulu, my world is so narrow these days. It’s shrunk to the size of my body. To think that I used to speak at international congresses. Can you believe it?Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth waking up.
AGNES falls asleep. Lights down on the bedroom. Lights up on the sitting room.
COLIN:How is she?
BELLA:No change.
COLIN:I don’t suppose there could be. Not for the better, anyway.
BELLA:Maybe the new medication will help a bit.
COLIN:Let’s hope so.
BELLA:Her tongue is so sharp. Never a please or thank you.
COLIN:She’s always preferred to be right than to be kind.
BELLA:Never smiles, either. Not even a glimmer. A sergeant major in the fun police.
COLIN:With all her chronic aches and pains, she hasn’tthe extra energy you need to smile.
BELLA:She said you’d been to Prague. That you really enjoyed it.
COLIN:It was okay, I suppose. I loved Czech food. The goulash. The roast pork with dumplings. Even the sandwiches are a knockout. The rest of the visit was kinda boring.
BELLA looks at Colin with a knowimg smile.
COLIN:That’s a thing I love about you, Bella. Yoursmile goes from cheek to cheek. So few women smile that big.
BELLA smiles again from cheek to cheek.
COLIN:Exactly like that!
COLIN kisses her cheek. They go sit.
COLIN:I enjoy having you live here.
BELLA:I enjoy living here. I enjoy living. Which is more than poor Agnes can say.
COLIN:You’re so much fun, Bella.
BELLA:I’m more fun than building a Lego castle or a flashy firetruck?
COLIN:Ten times better Twenty times!
BELLA:So what are we going to do?
COLIN:You mean, apart from supper?
BELLA:Get serious, Colin. How long can this go on for? I’m tired of the cat-and-mouse game.
COLIN:I’ve looked into it. There’s no easy answer.
BELLA:She could survive for another six or seven years. The doctor said her heart’s still strong.
COLIN:Poor thing! Trapped in that body for another seven years. Shriveling away. Life is so unfair. She was once a star athlete. She put me to shame. As a teenager, she excelled at hurdling. She still has a couple of silver cups somewhere in the house.
BELLA:I’m not going to put up with this for another seven years. Sorry, Colin, but I’m not.
COLIN:You’re asking me to divorce her?
BELLA:No, of course not. That would be cruel.
COLIN:I promised to love her forever.
BELLA:You should have said “possibly forever.”
COLIN:You think so?
BELLA:My father used to say that promises are good intentions based on ignorance. You never really know what you’re promising. So you can’t be held to it.
COLIN:Where does that leave us?
BELLA:Bring the situation out into the open. I’m sure she’s already guessed that something’s going on. She’s no fool.
COLIN:You can say that again!
BELLA:But neither am I.
COLIN:What will people say?
BELLA:If they’ve any sense, they’ll say it’s the only realistic thing to do.
COLIN:But if they don’t have any sense? You know, the repercussions.
BELLA:It’s hardly going to affect your business. Companies aren’t going to cancel their orders, because the accountant they’ve never met is—
COLIN:I was thinking more of the neighbors.
BELLA:They already know.
COLIN:They do?
BELLA:Of course they do. Mrs. Braithwaite isn’tdumb. She can add two and two. And if she knows, then half the town knows.
COLIN:I’ve heard a few sly comments at work.
BELLA:So where are we?
COLIN:Agnes did so much for me. I’d never have qualified as an accountant without her pushing me. I failed the exam twice but she made me take it a third time.
BELLA:Yes, did. Did. I don’t deny it. But what has she done in the last four years? What will she do for the next seven?
COLIN:She taught me to enjoy what I should enjoy. You’ve let me enjoy what I do enjoy.
BELLA: Agnes can’t stop being a teacher, Colin, a second mother. She never will stop. But you can stop being a ventriloquist’ s dummy.
COLIN:My older sister Olga was the same. Always telling me what my life should be like. She and Agnes were best friends. That’s how I met Agnes.I wonder what Olga will say about us?
BELLA:I’m not going to say anything to her. Are you? Will Agnes?
COLIN:I don’t suppose so.
BELLA:Then?
COLIN:I still think it’ll be better just to leave things the way they are.
BELLA:Oh no. I’m not going to let her treat me like a slave any longer. She’s got to face the facts. Whether she likes it or not, I’m the next Mrs. Prescott. She’s the one who’s got to know her place here. If she can’t accept that, she can move out to a nursing home.
COLIN:That’s not as easy as it sounds, Bella.
BELLA:You can afford it.
COLIN:It isn’t the money. Oh dear, the thought of telling her! I really did love her once.
BELLA:But you never promised to stay celibate for eleven years.
COLIN:What will she say?
BELLA:Colin, she already knows about us.
COLIN:I suppose she does. Deep down.
BELLA:Well, I’m not going to be the one who tells her. She’s your wife. Or at least she was till she became a breathing corpse.
COLIN:A corpse? That’s unkind, Bella.
BELLA: Unkind maybe. But it’s true. And every day more true.
COLIN:What am I going to do, Bella?
BELLA:It’s your decision, Colin. I’m going to prepare supper. I hope it’s not the last one I prepare for you.
COLIN:You’re my stairway to heaven, Bella.
BELLA:And you’re mine, Colin.
Exit BELLA. COLIN enters the bedroom.
Lights down on the sitting room, lights up on the bedroom.
COLIN:Hi dear. Snoozing?
AGNES:Quiet. Don’t wake my baby.
COLIN:Agnes, I want to talk to you about Bella.
AGNES:The nurse, Bella Laidlaw?
COLIN:Yes, It’s a serious matter.
AGNES:It certainly is. If you want to fire her, you have my approval. I can’t stand her know-it-all manner. And her pointless Cheshire-cat grin. Thank you, Colin. We should have done it months ago. Whoever we get to replace her can’t be worse.
COLIN:Let me get straight to the point!
AGNES:That sounds serious.
COLIN:It is.
AGNES:Then get to it.
COLIN:Well, er . . . Bella is my lover. One of these days I want to make her my wife.
AGNES (coldly): Yes, I figured it was heading in that direction.
COLIN:Since when?
AGNES:Since Christmas time.
COLIN: How did you know?
AGNES:Mrs. Braithwaite dropped me a hint or two.
COLIN:Mrs. B.?
AGNES:Yes. She was surprised you’d given such an expensive Christmas present to a nurse. Then the penny dropped.
COLIN:That was when we made our commitment to each other.
AGNES:Oh? What kind of commitment?
COLIN:That we’d marry, when circumstances allowed.
AGNES:I’ve heard of caregivers stealing watches and handfuls of cash. But stealing a husband is a new one.
COLIN:We’re serious about it.
AGNES (stroking LULU): I hope she’s been dewormed, deflea’d, and vaccinated.
COLIN:Bella is the one I want. I see her shortcomings but I still want her.
AGNES:Her after me? You must be joking.
COLIN:You taught me to want the things you wanted me to want.
AGNES:And it brought you great results. Don’t deny it.
COLIN:But now I want her.
AGNES:So you want to have your cake and eat it, do you?
COLIN:Call it that if you like.
AGNES:Of course, you know why she no longer works at St. Luke’s Hospital.
COLIN:Mrs. Braithwaite again, I suppose. Well, this time I bet she’s got the story back to front. Bella was the victim, not the victimizer.
AGNES:So she claims, of course.
COLIN: I believe her. One hundred per cent. Those doctors behave like they’re gods.
AGNES:And what happens to me in the meantime?
COLIN:You can stay here. Or you can go to a carehome.
AGNES:That’s easy. I’m getting out of here. I’ll go to the Beveridge Mansion.
COLIN:I thought you’d say that. So I looked into it.
AGNES:And?
COLIN:There’s a catch. You can’t take Lulu with you.
AGNES:See what you’ve done! You’ve woken her. She responds to her name.
COLIN:I thought a cat might be a problem. I checked around. None of the other nursing homes allow patients to keep live animals. Not even canaries in a cage. You can have a toy animal, if you choose. It works for some patients.
AGNES:So that’s my choice, is it?
COLIN:Don’t look at me like that Agnes.
AGNES:Did you hear that, Lulu? Live here with hisslutty bitch or endure solitary confinement without my darling Lulu?
COLIN:We haven’t really been married since you were diagnosed. I mean, “married-married.” Even before that, things were coming apart.
AGNES:So you are going to abandon me?
COLIN:I owe you a lot, Agnes.
AGNES:You certainly do. Your career, this house, the respect of the community.
COLIN:I became what you wanted me to be, Agnes, but it didn’t work.
AGNES:Nonsense! Look at this house, at your bank account. Your buddies at the golf club.
COLIN:Yes, but somehow I failed me, my self.
AGNES:I don’t understand that pathetic kind of talk.
COLIN:Okay. So what do I tell Bella?
AGNES:Oh, is she the one in control? You could never manage anything without a woman to tell you what to do next.
COLIN:Well?
AGNES:Tell her nothing. It’s my decision. I’llannounce it when I choose. Now leave me alone.
COLIN:May I kiss you goodnight like always?
AGNES:Go to hell, you hypocrite!
Exit COLIN into the sitting room and then offstage.
AGNES cuddles LULU.
AGNES:Now what, Baby?
No response from LULU.
AGNES:Yes, I feel the same. At a loss for words. They want to rob me of my dignity—what little is left of it. Well, I´ll show them. Let me check those sleeping pills and painkillers. Don’t worry, Lulu. You’ll be fine. My will has seen to that.
AGNES checks the two packets on the side table.
AGNES:Easier said than done, Lulu. But it’s now or never. Tomorrow, I’ll just be pathetic. I know it. A squealing victim. The nurse will be parading about with a fatuous victory grin. Well, it’s only a matter of time till she’s in my position. Worn out and incapable.
AGNES opens the packets and pours out a handful of pills.
AGNES:Come on, Lulu. One last cuddle. Then I can stop pretending I’m really alive . . . My death will haunt their marriage.
AGNES hugs LULU to her chest.
AGNES:These pills, Lulu, they’re my stairway to heaven. One little step at a time.
AGNES pops the first pill into her mouth.
BLACKOUT
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